Dear Starving Child,
I saw your picture in one of these "Feed The Children" magazine ads. It said your mother dumped you in a Sri Lankan back-alley trash heap, and that you´ve been a street urchin, begging for scraps from Bedouin traders, since you were five. And it said for two cents a day 1 could feed you. Well, I must say, I don´t know how you can live like that. I mean, what are you thinking? If I were you, I´d high-tail it home and make myself a juicy ham sandwich with some cheese on it, then I´d put it in the microwave so the cheese melts and the sandwich is nice and warm. In fact, I´d toast the bread so it has a little crunch to it.
And that brings me to why I´m writing you. I think I can offer you some basic tips on how to get along better in life. Instead of giving you a mere two cents a day, I´m going to give you a lifetime´s accumulated wisdom. You see, as a successful carpet salesman, I do all right. And I think I can share a lesson or two about getting the most out of this crazy game called life.
First of all, you´ve got to consolidate your debt. Those interest payments will kill you. I learned this one the hard way. And seeing how you don´t have a home, you should be able to pay off any high-interest loans and start putting your money into no-load mutual funds. That´s where the real growth potential is. It may not seem like much every month, but over time, you´ll be building quite a nest egg. And when you get to be my age, it´s nice to be able to pamper yourself a little bit with some of your dividends.