Self-proclaimed protectors of Hinduism in parts of South India have kicked up a row over inter-religious marriages, which they claim are designed to lure unsuspecting but romantic Hindu women. The media, symbolised by this 'ignorant' anchor, has added to the noise.
ANCHOR: Welcome to Krodh TV, dedicated to whipping up rage. We bring you the news before it happens. I'm Anpadh Swami, and on tonight's edition of Not Quite News our intrepid correspondents bring you reports from the frontlines of the 21st-century Indian Crusades, popularly known as Love Jihad.
Also, in yet another path-breaking initiative, from now on our reports will have some fact, some fiction, in keeping with the latest, cutting-edge news guidelines from the Secret Press Council – which declare that fact and fiction are extrapolations of each other … or interpolations into each other. Doesn't matter, as long as you're feeling indignant.
First, we'll have a quick recap. In Kerala, two girls who eloped with Muslim boys were found and coerced to return by their parents. They revealed they were part of a deadly Muslim terrorist conspiracy: a Love Jihad on innocent, virginal Hindu girls. The Kerala and Karnataka High Courts have ordered an investigation into this phenomenon in the interests of national security. Truly, a nation's women can be its downfall unless we are vigilante – sorry, vigilant.