Since we Subcontinentals hate each other everywhere all the time, there is nothing new to report there. But it may be useful to try and do a survey of the category that we dislike the most. And I know which variety of South Asian I dislike more than all the other that I disdain to the fullest. The child artiste. The Master Rinkus and Baby Guddus of the silver screen.
Yes, you know those little creatures who come on screen to make us squirm and despair for South Asian cinema. As younger brother of the heroine, as a pathetic waif who sings to the voice of an adult woman (most likely Asha Bhonsle), as invariably the most annoyingly earnest member of the cast, the child artiste is the horror, respectively, of Bollywood, Kollywood, Dollywood and Lollywood.
Sure, sure I know there were some good child actors and actresses out there as well. And I do need to situate Master Rinku and Baby Guddu in a context where even adult actors were wooden-faced and sported blank stares – think Manoj Kumar and Nanda rather than Naseeruddin Shah and Shabana Azmi. And I will pause a moment, certainly, and recollect Ray's Apu in Apur Sansar and Mukul in Sonar Kella, or Rahul in Masoom, and even reach back and remember Rishi Kapoor in Mera Naam Joker.
But all the fine child actors in the Subcon will not be able to undo the damage done by the bad ones foisted upon hundreds of millions of moviegoers all over this great land of ours. The human rights abuse by these kids is on a scale that requires the creation of an RNGO (regional non-governmental organisation) to carry out a monitoring exercise and suggest ameliorative action, including counselling on a mass scale.