The citizens of the erstwhile Indian state of Assam have decided to challenge the rest of us by starting a campaign whereby our tongues will be twisted beyond company specifications, but it looks like we will remain where we started and not be pronouncing anything correctly. Not for your average Assamese gentleman/gentlelady will the conversion be as simple as from a Bombay to a Mumbai, a Madras to a Chennai, or a Calcutta to a Kolkata. No, first they will tell you that Assam is no longer Assam, it is to be 'Asom'. Fair enough. And 'Assamese' will be replaced by Asommiya (it used to be Assamiya, but let that be).
Now, Messrs Borbora, Bordoloi and Bezbaruah tell us that it is not so much the spelling as the pronunciation that they are after. Spell it any way you like, as long as you pronounce it properly, is the refrain. And how do you pronounce Asom? Something like Akhhom, in which you replace the middle consonant with a deep-throated aspirated attempt to reach into the lungs and exhale bits and pieces of diaphragm tissue. As long as you can say Akhhom in the process, the Akhhomiya do not really care how you spell it.
On a recent trip to Akhhom, I walked the Brahmaputra banks desperately seeking Sanjay. No one had heard of him. Okay, then, Sanjoy. No one had heard of Sanjoy either. Then it dawned on me. "Babuji, could you please point me in the direction of Mr Xonzoi?" I found my man, who then explained to me the fine nationalistic distinctions that separate Assam, Asom and Akkhom. I did ask him, or I think I did, why he was not called 'Khonkhoi'. But I forgot to ask Xonzoi why Asom was Akhhom and not Axom.
Akhhom is the crucible of eastern Southasian civilisation, and it is today leading the way to cultural revival, starting with correct pronunciation. This is laudable, and the rest of Southasia – including the Indian Union government, all PSUs, all the security forces and all NGOs – please take note and make the required adjustment to your tongues.